False positivity is worse than negativity

Staying positive, being happy, and not caring what other people think are all good things, but what if they are false? What if we don’t feel them? Should we keep our smile on anyway? Nope. That is not only unhealthy and creepy but a definition of insanity. Your body knows when you are being dishonest with yourself. It feels how you are going against its natural flow, and it will come back at you with a vengeance in the form of various illnesses, mental and physical.

Staying positive? Yes.

Staying honest? Also yes.

I’ve seen my fair share of people who will go out of their way to present themselves as happy and who will laugh through their tears using the “fake it till you make it” philosophy that is more dangerous than they realize. Pretending to be happy when you are not is like trying to run on your hands or listen to the color orange with your tongue, a futile attempt to use your body unnaturally. Yes, you should strive to be happy; and yes, you should aim for a positive approach to things but not at the expense of self-delusion and not accepting yourself in full. The main goal of happiness can only be achieved by carefully going through all of the steps to get there. There are no shortcuts on the road of personal growth because if you stray away from the road, you are straying away from your path and walking on someone else’s.

Recognize and accept your emotions

So you want to be happy. Kudos. We all do. Everything we do in life is because we consciously or subconsciously believe it would bring us joy. There are times when we seem lost, and that is not the moment to go forward. If you need to get to point B but don’t know where your point A is on which you stand, how would you know where to go? Every maps’ app needs two data points, where you want to go and where you are. It cannot give you the route if you don’t submit the address where you’re currently located. It’s the same with your emotions. How would you know how to travel to happiness if you don’t know where you currently are with your feelings?

It’s okay not to be okay. I assure you, there isn’t a single person on this planet who is happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year round. We all have daily stressors in our lives, and it doesn’t even matter how many things or what things annoy you. Don’t compare yourself with others and undermine your feelings. Something not being a problem for others doesn’t mean it may not be a problem or a stressor to you. So how are you, really? Where do you stand when it comes to your satisfaction with your life experience? Don’t say those stupid things like, “Oh, it could be worse. Look at what other people are going through.” I don’t care about other people now. How are YOU feeling? The first thing you need to do is recognize how you are. Knowing how you feel is that crucial first step.

Once you know, truly know, how you feel, it is time to accept it. Every emotion is important. There are no good or bad emotions because all of them are a part of us. It is perfectly normal that we are not always satisfied in our lives. How would we ever grow and advance if we never felt how there could be something better? Sometimes we will be angry, and sometimes we will be sad. There is nothing wrong with that. What makes us angry and/or sad depends, again, only on our own preferences. There is a list of major stressors in life such as changing school, job, house, country and various losses like loss of a pet, family member, lover, friends, etc. There is also physical or mental health that could be a stressor, financial situation, social life problems, and many others. On the other hand, there are millions of minor stressors that occur. Maybe you broke your nail or someone cut you off in traffic. Feeling bad about those things is okay too.

Experience and then rationalize

Whatever you may feel, feel it fully. Be sad, and be angry. Allow yourself to experience your emotions, and don’t run away from them. The duration of your state depends only on you. They say time heals all wounds, but you don’t really want to be angry at a driver who cut you off ten years later, do you? Everyone heals in their own time, but do be mindful of the time that has passed. If it seems like life is passing you by because you are fixated on something that happened a long time ago, it probably is. You should experience everything, but once you experience it, rationalize it.

Your mind is a powerful tool. Use it. Whenever you start explaining (to yourself or others) how you feel, you will actually feel that emotion less. To achieve this, you need to really think and describe your feelings. You need to stop in the moment and explain the sensations in your mind, body, and soul. Once you’ve done this, rationalize. It is not about finding the culprit or assigning blame but justifying your feelings. It is normal that I feel _____ because ______ happened. My body is reacting with _______, and I am ______ because that is a healthy way my mind and soul react to ______. Life is full of ups and downs. If there were only ups, how would I know they were ups?

Let’s say you’ve f@cked yourself so badly that you’re experiencing panic attacks (been there, done that). Those panic attacks are your body’s way of trying to protect you. You may not need them, but they are, in fact, a defense mechanism from your body trying to save you from danger. Isn’t it lovely how your physical body is protective of you? Once you rationalize what is happening in your body and why, you will accept it much easier. Mind over matter, remember? You cannot feel your way out of feelings. You need to think your way out of them. Just as it was normal to accept and feel the emotion, now it is normal to understand it and rationalize it.

Decide to move forward

This step is crucial. There aren’t enough doctors in the world, enough therapists, enough meds, enough friends, family members, activities, meditation, or books that could help you if you don’t decide to move forward and be happy. Have you noticed how some people couldn’t be helped? That’s because they choose to stay miserable. At some point, you need to take responsibility for your own emotions and thought patterns. Maybe you won’t be happy at the snap of your fingers, and it doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is deciding that you will be.

There are millions of reasons to feel good, and yet, there is actually only one. There are millions of reasons to feel bad, and yet, there is only one. The reason why you feel the way you do is because you decided so, maybe without even realizing it. Once you decide to move on from the “bad” emotions and be happy, happiness will come. The progress will come in your own way and in your own time, and there is no reason to force it. The simple decision is enough. As long as you are saying “I can’t” there is no moving forward. Decide that you can, and trust yourself that it is possible.

Knowing that it is possible to feel good and accepting that in one way or the other you will get there will actually take you there. Your progress on the emotional scale will come more or less gradually, depending on where you were to begin with, but it will come. You will, however, need to change some things in your behavior and give your brain a little boost and a helping hand. This means doing the things that bring you joy. There is singing, dancing, hanging out with friends, hiking, playing sports, watching funny shows on TV, reading… the list goes on and on and on. The key is to laugh. Listening to sad music when you are sad and expecting to miraculously feel happy isn’t exactly smart, is it?

In summary, if you choose to be honest with yourself and reject false positivity, here are the steps to get to actual true positive emotions that will not be fake:

1. Recognize how you feel
2. Accept how you feel
3. Experience the emotion
4. Rationalize the emotion
5. Decide to move forward
6. Feel the progress in your own way and in your own time

Faking a smile will get you nowhere

Stop wearing a mask to hide your feelings. You are going against yourself and destroying yourself along the way. False positivity is creepy, and I sometimes feel like it’s spreading like weeds in the garden. It’s almost contagious but still easy to recognize. Yes, you should be happy, but genuinely happy, and it is possible to feel good the majority of your time. You just have to accept that it is not possible to feel good 100% of the time. Be true to who you are, and be honest with yourself.

Wearing a mask will never make you be one with the mask. It will just hide you behind it.

---

Merry meet, and merry part, and merry meet again my dear pagan soul. Rejoice in life, and life will rejoice in you. May God and Goddess bless you in everything you do and spirit guides follow you wherever you go.

In love and light,
Towint